Time heals all?

Not of this sort…




The only eternity that matters anymore.


I danced with a needle,


You took up a pen.


You would choose paper, but I would choose…





“What a fool!” “What a fool!”


I cried to the Savior.

“Wash me clean!”


But this was no stain like I had at thirteen…




Needle scraped skin of insides unwritten,


How could I not know you’d forsake my “Forgiven”?


Oh how I’ve steel-scrubbed my heart-skin,


Just striving to wash you away.


And turning my face from the canvas,


Trying to remember it blank.


But on and on you are with me,


Long after the needle has scathed,


For I would choose skin and you would choose…




On paper you penciled me in.


To-do today,

DONE tomorrow.


If you etch within margins, you can skip the sorrow.




Bored like a child.

Blind to the value.

Scared of a pinprick.





Longing to learn.


Beholding priceless treasure.


Committed to the art,


Yes! Even though it burned.


And fuck, I regret you.


I finally do.


My killer, my friend.


My eternal tattoo.



Ah, Star Trek.

My first Sci-Fi love.

When I explain what Star Trek is to non-Trekkies, I simply say- “Star Trek is not about starships, planets, or aliens, It’s about people”.

That tends to surprise people because of course all of the wormholes, phasers and Klingons are much more flashy than the subtleties of humanity.

But, then again, maybe not.

As a 13-year old girl in a new town, in a new school, with no friends, the quieter story of people being people was the most gripping aspect of the show.

I especially loved all of the characters who didn’t fit in…

So many of them didn’t.

One of the most compelling of these characters is Seven of Nine from Star Trek Voyager. Born human, she was taken, brainwashed, and assimilated into the Borg collective at the age of 6 years old.

Through a certain chain of events she was rescued by captain Janeway and liberated from the collective after many years. For the remainder of the show she must work to regain her humanity and discover her identity.

She was brilliant, innovative, talented, and assertive. Not to mention the fact that she was drop-dead gorgeous even with her Borg implants.

She had it all. She always kept it together, but even in all of her perfection she struggled with a deep loneliness that she herself could not define.

I see myself in her story even more at 23.

I’ve escaped my own collective.

I know what It’s like to leave the only thing, the only tribe you know. To have to reinvent yourself. To realize that perfection isn’t what you really want after all.

Truly, all we want is to be human together.

Which, for Seven and I, is much more difficult than it seems.

If I had a Borg designation it would have been “Three of Three”.

It is a terrifying and completely isolating moment when you realize that you have become simply “One”.

One voice.

One decision maker.

One movie ticket.

One chair at a restaurant.

Especially for someone who had grown accustomed to and relied on the voices of the others.

Seven never gained back the entirety of her humanity. She remained always on the outside, if only by a smidge.

Human alone.

Because sometimes, that is simply the lot One is given.

Twenty-Two Things I’ve Learned From 22


It’s my birthday again!

(AKA the most important day in American History :))

I’m 23 today… it’s one of those ages you never imagine being. Like turning 37 or 48. It’s not an exciting or super significant birthday, but boy am I glad it’s here!

Around this time every July, I start getting a sense of what the theme of the year is going to be for me.

For 21 my theme was “Brave”, for 22 it was “New”, both of which turned out to be extremely accurate. When I was 21 I made the bravest decision of my life, and then at 22 I executed that decision and it changed everything.

I got a completely new life.

A new job, a new hobby, a new perspective, and most importantly, a new fire within myself.

Some changes though, were not so positive.

This past year, I lost someone incredibly dear to me for reasons I still cannot understand. And that changed me too.

All of the faith I had left after my bravery poured from my body, escaping with the tears. And without faith, all that mattered was surviving.

So I did that. I survived.

I replaced the faith with steel, with hardness, with pain, grit and swear words. 22 was the most unimaginably painful year of my life, but I made it.

I became a warrior.

Fighting always for myself.

I now know my fierceness.

And because I have known it, I respect myself as a veteran of war.

22 took something from me that cannot be replaced, but then it gave me something that can never be taken away.

And now, thinking about 23 all that comes to mind is the word “happy”.

This will be my year of contentment, of thankfulness, and of re-planting the faith that was so brutally beaten out of me.

With that being said, I’d still like to say a proper goodbye to the year that changed everything. So, here are Twenty-Two things I learned from year 22. May I remember them well!

1. Taylor Swift and Peanut Butter can’t fix EVERYTHING but they can fix MOST things.

2. When a heart breaks, it don’t break even.

3. Siblings are one of the greatest gifts that God gives.

4. Loyalty is not a two way street.img_1262

5. Doing brave things doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid.

6. Summer always comes again.

7. Being young isn’t easy, but neither is being old.

8. People are something to be experienced, worlds to be explored.

9. The Mom is the angel of the family.

10. It is better to be impractical than to give up on an aspiration.

11. You can be your subjective view of “perfect” and still fail and lose miserably.

12. Never give up on yourself.

13. Tattoos hurt.

14. Sometimes a year can’t fill a jar.

15. Dreams, relationships, and sanity are all incredibly fragile.

16. Stretching is actually super important.

17. Delivering pizza in the snowpocalypse does not guarantee amazing tips.

18. You’ve gotta fall apart in order to build yourself better.

19. Everyone has to choose whether or not love is worth the pain, but no one really knows what the right choice is. (Cuz let’s be honest, who cares what a guy with a name like “Alfred” says)

20. Healing is possible.

21. You are only a victim if you allow yourself to be.

22. Everything will be all right if we just keep dancin’ like we’re 22. ❤