Confessions of a Perfectionist

abstract floor

It always ends in bitterness.

But not for any other person than myself.

And It’s never quite enough…

The A should’ve been an “ A PLUS” (at least!)

And I only worked out 6 days this week!

But I’ll never show you tears.

Those are for the weak and defeated.

I’ll stand taller.

Every morning I give myself over to It’s scrutinizing control.

“If you do this exactly right, then you’ll be worth something”

Or, so It tells me.

“They will love you, if and only if, you give them no reason not to”

And I really tried… (But maybe I didn’t because if I had tried then I would’ve performed better.)

And if I had performed better? Then maybe I wouldn’t feel like this.

It lies, and I know it, but I can’t see past It.

After all, what does the world look like through eyes of leniency?

It manifests Itself in the most subtle of ways; coursing through my waking hours.

Might as well not even try.

Anything.

Nothing less than excellent will suffice, and clearly I am incapable.

Eventually, I give up.

When the journey gets lost in the destination, and the learning warps into chore,

It has won.

So, I smile in lies to the world.

Because It expects nothing less.